Okay, so it’s been a while since I posted here. Some of it has been through being REALLY busy with work and other things and part of it has been because I’ve had a bit of writer’s block. However, I’m sitting in the garden with a glass of wine (because it wouldn’t be Drinks With Stuart without a glass of Sauvignon Blanc) in the beautiful London sun.
First thing’s first. I actually completed my run! It was only a 5k, which I imagine for most people is a walk in the park (or a jog), but this was my first attempt at running since I did the 800m at my school about 14 years ago and almost threw up all over the running track in Catford! I managed to raise over £1,100 for the Orchid Appeal, and I am so grateful for everyone who donated and sent me messages of support. It is such an important cause and I’ve been told that it raised around £10,000 overall (which means that I raised 10% of the total – so I’ve got bragging rights!!).
I’ve lost a bit more weight and I have started going to the gym much more than before (seeing that before, my gym existence was between nothing and zero!!). I’m getting back to be the person I was a long time ago. Concentrating on myself and managing to control what I can control and letting go of what I cannot control.
If you hadn’t have noticed, either on here, Facebook, Twitter or on Instagram, I’ve been going through a very slow-paced car crash since the beginning of the year. My 6-year relationship (and near-4 year marriage) ended out of the blue. Now isn’t the time to assign blame or air dirty laundry in public, because it’s wholly counter-productive. But I think it’s important to acknowledge the different stages of what someone goes through.
It’s like a death in the family.
And it’s okay to be in mourning.
Having been broken up with, you never know what to do. Do you try and jump back into something with someone new? Do you download every single app going and go and enjoy yourself (my parents read this!)? Or do you concentrate on your friends, yourself and your family. If I’m honest, I had no idea what to do.
It ended in the middle of January. It was completely over just after Valentine’s Day. I took control and retained a lawyer so that I could file for divorce at the beginning of April, when I finally got my head around the fact that I was no longer wanted or needed.
The last 5 months have been hell. But like my cancer (see before!), I’m using it as a springboard for later life. I’m using it to ensure that I am the one who comes out of this in a good place mentally and physically.
To begin with, I was really angry. Furious. Apoplectic. Snapping at everyone closest to me. I was a completely different person. I think you just have to let that part of the healing process see itself out alone. There aren’t really any ways that you can get over this stage, because it is a natural part of the mourning process.
Then there’s the grief. I’ve now realised that, despite my reasoning around needing sun, I went to Abu Dhabi just to get away from absolutely everything. I needed to go somewhere that I knew no one at all. You can read all about it here (I know, I’m shameless!).
Then you come on to acceptance. I have to admit that I had a lot of help from my ex on this (not that he really meant it). His behaviour towards me helped me accept that it was over and it taught me how to take control of the situation. Why would I want to be legally bound to someone who wants nothing to do with me?
If you know me (and even if you don’t), you’ll know that I am a huge fan of Beyoncé. Her Lemonade album has drastically helped me. One of the ‘chapters’ in the album is called Resurrection. I’ve always been pretty sceptical of these kinds of buzzwords for feelings.
However, I truly feel resurrected now. I should be divorced by the end of September. I’m 30 in December. I’m using my 4th decade (Oh my god!!!!!!) to rediscover myself and find my zest for life.
Earlier this week I had drinks with a couple of friends who told me that I had a twinkle in my eye – they thought that I had met someone. I haven’t. I’ve just managed to become reacquainted with myself.
I really like sitting in the garden.
I really like spending time with myself.
I really like looking forward.
I really like seeing what’s ahead of me.
I really like the people I surround myself with.
There’s an often-quoted sentence: “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”
Let’s change it.
“With friends like these, who needs anyone else?”