The Inability to Lose Faith

What a week! Resignations in the Government, turmoil across the country, the pride of a nation in our football team for the first time in decades, and the arrival of my 2nd least favourite American to the UK (don’t worry darling – I know you like to keep up to date with what I’m getting up to – you’ll always be top of the list).

The most frustrating thing about divorcing the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with isn’t the thoughts of what they might be up to, but the waiting…and the waiting…and the waiting.

The separation between my husband and I is, legally, very straightforward. No assets, no pets or children, no love.

When I first filed for divorce, I contacted my fantastic lawyer (who I have used before in a VERY different case). My husband and I were married in New York City just over 4 years ago. But because I live in the UK and he lives abroad, I had no idea what to do in terms of a divorce. Luckily, because the marriage is recognised in the UK, I have been able to file in the English courts.

However – and this is where the waiting part begins – the English courts have severe backlogs. Opening post a month late, the inability to recognise deadlines even though they have been adhered to, the added difficulty of sending forms across the Atlantic – it can all be very draining.

I’m waiting for the Nisi to come through (sounds like Nice-I, because it will be!) before the Decree Absolute comes through around 6 weeks later – so I imagine that it will be over by the end of September.

When he first walked out on me a couple of years ago, I was petrified about going to a wedding a couple of months later. All of these people happily dancing when the one person you wanted to dance with wasn’t there and probably didn’t want to enjoy the moment with you. And while I had a great time, there was something in the back of my mind that upset me. The voice in the back of my mind telling me “he should be here with you”.

This year I have three weddings to go to (I just need one more to call my autobiography “Four Weddings and a Divorce”). The first one, at the end of May, was amazing. I felt so happy to be around friends. Yes, we chatted about how I felt and how the divorce was going, but it didn’t upset me. The love that I was surrounded with was enough for me and I felt much better for it.

And so, because of my experience at the first one, I’m really looking forward to the other two this year. At the end of the year, I’ve got my big Dirty Thirty birthday party in Central London, along with a birthday weekend full of fun and friends, followed by a possible trip away over New Year.

The last month has been pretty spectacular. I went to see Beyonce and Jay Z, took a week in sunny Cyprus and had one of the best weekends at home with someone who has been in my life for a very long time. The middle of June to the middle of July has been pretty much perfect.

When I talk about having the inability to lose faith, I’m not talking about any kind of higher being or religion, I’m talking about the faith that I have in myself. This morning, when I opened the post, I received this card:

It’s heartening that even when you may dip under a little bit, your closest friends instinctively know to reach out to you, if they see something you might like, or just a little message to see how you’re getting on.

George Michael sang about having “Faith”. Whether it’s the faith that you have in a relationship, your career, your next steps or even the faith that you have in yourself, make sure that you don’t lose it – because the inability to lose faith, even in your darkest times, will see you through.

(Pic: Both of us at Beyonce)

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4 thoughts on “The Inability to Lose Faith”

  1. Bravo, my friend!!! March fearlessly into the unknown, first, because you can and second because there’s no one I know who’s more up to the task! You’re spectacular!!

  2. Stuart, you’re a one-off! It took me 18 long, wasted years to divorce the man I knew within 2 weeks was a wrong-un! By that time it was complicated. There were 2 good things that came out of those years – my children – plus the experience! You’re not wasting time by pursuing a flaky dream. Well done!

  3. There will, inevitably, be regret and a degree of anger when a marriage doesn’t work out.

    One cannot control one’s spouse in such situations but we can, and I know you will, take control of our future.

    Not only do you have the gift of being confident in yourself but you also have so many close to you who have confidence in and love for you.

    Knowing your love of Latin “ semper prorsum” 

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